To get back things we’ve lost,

But they are not coming back,

No matter how hard you try.

We’ve bartered them off,

Little pieces of ourselves,

For hopes, regrets and ventures,

Or purposeless endeavours.

Terms of trade were not read,

No returns or refunds.

We got every worth our while,

Till all that’s left is,

A dry empty husk,

With nothing to give.

deep breathe and take the call,

forgot every word she said,

but my brains are on the wall….

the empty halls on lunar eve,
you have no balls to mend the grief,
only spite to stoke the coals,
only pride to break whats whole.

rise the closet bones to war!

Where do I go from here?

Life update:

So, I’ve just graduated. “What now? What’s the plan?” I get that alot. I’m at a giant crossroad in my life. Problem is, I feel like I have so many options! So many roads I could walk down but I can’t see where they’ll take me. The feeling is exciting and paralysing all at once. Let’s talk about me. It IS my blog so I can talk about muah as much as I want. Let’s break it down into plans and dreams.

Dreams.

In the short term? Study just a little more. That first degree really helps you put things in perspective. I now know, I would have much loved to have done a double degree. My sister and I probably share this passion for learning. Except, 3 years ago, I was compelled to study something that would someday enable me to comfortably provide for a family. That, isn’t living a dream. It’s a duty. Over the last 3 years, I found myself driven to wander. I’d love to study journalism and maybe science as well. Have a couple of law electives too. Take the opportunity to do exchange to America or Europe! Learn a language too.

In the long run? Write. I want to work as a journalist. The kind that travels, meets people, and move stories from that real world so far away into print. Time magazine perhaps? While I’m young and uncommitted, to travel far far away. See the beautiful places that live in photographs. Eat new foods. Mmmm.

In the really long run? I wanna write a book. Wander around the untravelled places in the world in a van. Start a little eatery, somewhere. Ride the motorbike.

Plans.

Take it one day at a time! I’ve got temporary residence on the world’s biggest desert island and I’ll take this chance to get a job. A writing one hopefully. I have an interview tomorrow or so, wish me luck! Once my TR runs out, I’ll probably bugger off to Japan to teach English for abit. Hopefully there’ll be some demand for English writers over there as well. In the land of the blind, the one eye jack is king!

Long term plans? Lets take it one short term plan at a time.

So there you have it. You can’t live the dream if you don’t dream the life, no? Anyways, I’m going to try something thats been titillating me for awhile. I’ve been needing some motivation to write. Something to keep me sharp and on-form. Well, since I love cooking so so much, I’ve decided to give writing a food blog a go! Please forgive the poor camera skills and the low budget style cooking of an unemployed graduate! The first post is going to be the simple, all time classic beef stew! It’s slowly simmering as I am writing this and pictures and a post will be up soon!

One day I’ll come up with a smart, original sign off, till then.

It’s strange to see such an old old old forgotten name appear in my list. To make things stranger, her status (oh oh… scandal! it’s a girl!… right.. get over yourself) goes to idle. Hence, an orange dot next to her name. I contemplate saying hi.

and the daydream could go on. I could have lived it, but the dot is orange. It’s a passive aggressive “I’m here, but I can just not reply because talking after all this time can be uncomfortable.” I’m reading too much into this and orange isn’t red, but they say the same thing.

“I’m online but I’m not here”

Or it could be a cry for attention, maybe. Has she been offline all these years? Or invisible? It’s hard to know. There’s a Oh there you are! moment as if I were looking for something misplaced. The next moment is an awkward silence with an orange dot. Should I say Hello? It’s ok. I find an old picture and in this moment we sit side by side in class, yet to be strangers. Cue Whatshername, Greenday. (the video kinda sucks, I’ll admit.)

back to the books. one last paper and i’ll be free. adrift in the middle of nowhere. horizons in every direction. where will i go?

but lets cross that bridge when i get there.

Last week, Christine took a spill going down a hill because she couldn’t footbrake properly yet. Her birthday is coming up, so I decided to make her some slide gloves! They have to be pretty, if not she won’t wear them. Girls. Gloves have to be on budget tho, as I want to afford her an expensive birthday dinner as well! (plus dessert!) If you’re reading this Christine, its worth every cent!

This is the 3rd pair of gloves I’m making so it was fairly trivial. Not as daunting as the first pair I made, which btw, are totally destroyed. =]
Here goes:

First off, I start with some nice pink-ish gloves I found at Vic market. They cost me $15, but they’re a good fit and comfortable. They also come with velcro straps to keep them on. Much nicer then any of my own homemade gloves.

Chopping block was surprising easy to find. I was looking for red or pink to go with the gloves. Cost me $8 at vic market. Theres other colours too. Blue, green, brown. I took one go at the chopping block with the stanley knife and gave up. Decided to use this massive saw! =] It ate through the chopping board really easily. Hopefully, the pucks will last.

Massive saw is no good with the rounded edges. Have to make them pretty remember? Even my pucks aren’t shaped. They’re just squares! Drilling is easy. Chopping board complies like butter to the bit. Theres enough leftover to make 2 and a half more sets of pucks?

Slowly making progress. Stanley knife comes back into the picture. quite easy to cut off the little swiss-cheese bits.

Not a perfect circle, but close enough. Getting there…

The drill produced these spirally shavings. Quite cute, won’t throw them away. Interesting effect.

Now to get velcro on glove and puck. Forgot to take pictures of me rounding the puck. Went downstairs, and did a couple of runs dragging the edges on the road. Sat down on the curb and beveled the edges too, looking like a total retard of course. People going by must be wondering what this asian kid is doing scratching up that red piece of plastic on the sidewalk. Super glue! be very carful.

Gluing was easy. will find super glue on my nails later. Messy, messy, messy. tried trimming off the little edges of the velcro that doesn’t have velcro. Effectiveness, questionable.

Pucks all in place. Her gloves even have nice finger pucks! I’m jealous. Will have to make something like this for myself soon. Oh wait, that’ll leave me with 4 sets of gloves! Hmm, better not.

Wrote a nice birthday message. Yes, my handwriting is in Sanskrit.

And here’s the birthday girl! Proudly showing off her new speed-mitts. Isn’t she pretty? All dolled up for expensive dinner at D.O.C. (will forget to take pics of our night out, but it was very very nice!) Skate safe!

we were young

this heart feels so tired, sometimes. where has everyone gone? strangely enough, I’m the one who’s missing. but it’s the ones who haven’t that have disappeared. they have faded away, ghosts.

sigh.

i’m watching things fall apart in the most fascinating way, facebook.
complete silence says something,
each picture’s a thousand words,
constant status updates scream.

was everything always like this? maybe it is I who has changed, grown up, and am finally seeing things as they always were. maybe everyone else changed and i wasn’t given my instructions, how to be older.

this heart is heavy, and there is so little to lift my spirits. there is apprehension and a heavy cloud over my head even as i think about returning. i just can’t seem to grasp all the pieces.

the harder i grasp at them, the quicker they slip away. yes, yes. like sand, only they’re pieces of something once great, once beautiful. and now? well, i guess it’s all become sand.

smile, shane. at least it didn’t rain on your ass today.

I want to travel.

Where? Somewhere far away from the states. Somewhere where I can work and learn and travel.

Enter, JET: the Japanese Exchange and Teaching Programme. So far, I meet all the criteria, and they’re timeline is unbelievably convenient! Coincidental!

• Their Applications close in October: Check! I have time to apply!
• Interviews in February: Check! I’ll be in Malaysia then!
• Departure Dates Late July to August: I’ll be Graduated then!

I see open doors. Amen

One early Tuesday morning…. all the tedious markings have paid off! They FIT!!! There’s not much to write actually. These pics are worth fifty thousand words!

Now all I need is the threaded rod and lots and lots of wood to press =]

There lived seven gummy bears,

Translucent, chewy, had no cares.

orange was orange,

green was apple,

red strawberry and

yellow pineapple.

white was tasteless,

purple blackcurrant.

and I ate them all up,

all but the brown one.

For Keshia, get up soon.